Once upon a time a love story was made for us, once upon a time it was paradise but one day it had turned to dust. Some times I get so scared of what I can’t understand. You promised the world and I fell for it, I gave you my heart and I watched it slip down between your fingers like ribbon.
My friends warned me about boys like you and how you’d tear my heart in two with your silver tongue, but I found myself inside out, drawn and quartered. With you everything came unsure to me what I wanted, what I didn’t know I wanted, what I didn’t want to know I wanted, what I always know I wanted.
The day I let you in, everything appeared to me like child’s play compared to that day. You showed me a world I never knew would exist, a feeling I never felt and the warmth like no other. Took me to heaven and show me the brightness window of life, and wake me up the next day to die in hell on my own. Shot guns and roses, setting explosions down my heart in reckless motion.
I told you that what you did was nothing to forgive, and that I would never trust you again. I couldn’t help but wish you would say something, just something and I would believe in you completely but you never did. I started talking backwards and I never want to admit that I think of you every second of the day but I can’t deny that each time my mind wonders, it always somehow find its way back to you
Color drained from my face when I realized that it was the end of us. I tried to find every reason and excuses to escape my thought, and slip past that moment. I saw your intention, your signal, I instantly recognized the feeling though I never felt like that before.
I felt so small it was all over my head, I felt like I know nothing at all about you. I didn’t know the language you spoke, I didn’t recognize the language of your heart, didn’t even know the language of my own anymore.
I never know what to say but I know then no matter what I say you would still walk off the door, so I let you go.
The other day I saw you on the corner of the street, I smiled to myself before you even see me. I felt my heartbeat differently and perhaps that’s just the way it used to be, how it always does for thee. The remnants of excitement started but it was forced back off as I saw you have an arm around her with smile plastered on your face, in her arm you stayed and I feel my knees got weak.
You see me standing while I’m dying on the floor, I was your amber but now she’s standing next to you as your shade of gold. I know it’s wrong of me to hope all you’ll find is misery and heart breaks, I hope you’ll find what you looking for and realize that you has always been my first prior and you will always have a place with me in my world.
You smiled as you came past me and even if I couldn’t understand why you did what you did, god knows I try to be happy for you, I know I will make it through even if happy is her. I hope she treats you well and go through your hard times, the job that was once mine. It hasn’t been that long since I was the one in your arm and feet that stood in her place.
I heard you settled down with her and deep down I pray she would love you well, and cherish her this time, I hope you won’t break her heart as you did to me. I wonder how you still remember me and if our memories gone past your concern.
The girl I went out with
The girl who shared my secretes for a good long year
The girl who told me she loved me to the bottom of the sea.
It’s funny but it still bothers me. Do you remember when I told you that I think you’re the most beautiful person I ever came across? Remember when I thought you was a vulnerable man who deserved to be treated better and a fighter who deserve to be respected better?
I still think the same even after you left me in the bottom of the sea, I remember every detail since I first saw you and predominately the memories when my day once revolved around you. After all these days, you never escaped my thoughts, I still hold my breath every time I saw figure of a guy that I confused as yours and I still look out for you every time I go back to the place we used to go even if I know in my heart you’re not around anymore. I always think about you and how I couldn’t blame you for not choosing me.
Counting my footsteps, praying I would never love again. My mother accused me I got possessed but all I needed was the love you gave and there were times when I thought you’d be my forever. I never should have fall for your silver tongue but I did, I knew you would leave me some day but I didn’t think you could do it so easily.
I tried to ask myself was it me to blame or am I hard to love? but I never have the answer, I couldn’t think of a better reason to get myself out of the blame, I’m broken and I know you couldn’t hear me. I’m dancing on my own with the hope that your heart would turn around.
My friend said I should have moved on long ago, but nothing heals the past like mine and they told me it’s a signal for the book to start a new chapter. It’s never easy to walk away but when I tried to search in your eyes to see a glimmer of love and care I once felt
There was nothing nevertheless I couldn’t get myself to walk away, I just wanted to stay and hoping you’d lie to me that what I found wasn’t what it was intended. You never called, never texted and you vanished from my days like nothing have ever happened.
You became a stranger knows all my secretes. A stranger who used to be my warmest shelter, whose tattoo I caressed and mouth I first kissed. A stranger who can pull me a part and break my heart.
A stranger that was once mine.
I would try and mend the pieces you left me in, but I wanted you to know that you should have loved me better, I know I couldn’t keep this love alive, so I let you go. I want you to know that I love you so. I never regretted calling you mine, I’m happy I came across you.
To Bailey,
You are a survivor
I know the memories will fade and that’s what pain you most. One day you will heal and whole. The scent of his will no longer lingers over you like a cloud of guilt, it’s shifted. I know it’s hard to live without someone who mean so much to you and always revolved around your daily dusk and dawn. But you will cope with it. The feeling of betrayal from someone that meant to you dearly isn’t devastating or madness, it’s destroying. It may takes every aspect of happiness and individually crashes it.
When something hits you in full speed and you were unprepared for it, it could be hard to handle, you might let it absorb every view you have towards love, trust and life. It could be hard to fathom his absence. But I promise you one day you will go through the whole week without thinking about him and soon to be a month, later on it will come to you as a good story to share to your kids. It could be hard to bare with this storm for now, but there will be sunshine and rainbow.
casaneth 