Sober Thoughts

Get drunk in the afternoon before midnight, I wanna get drunk when I wake up. Tipsy by noon and a painful pumping head tomorrow morning, I’d never bother with. let the night mode turn mute.

What’s the point of staying sober when it never keeps me strong at all, what if I get all stumble and struggle to stand straight, to wake up on the right side of the wrong place.

It never made me stronger at all, throwing stuff across the room as all I wish to do is to hear from you. All by myself and every excuses I made up are drowning me

Sitting down wishing my head was dead. Long days and I would normally wait till your morning comes but now I’ll maybe wishing my night won’t come

“What’s so complicated about another night?”

It’s not complicated for another face to just pass by, but he looked like you and she has your eyes,

oh he got your hair and I miss you too

It’s complicated.

Tell you the truth I hate what keeps me awake, love will scar as far afield

It never made me stronger at last, so now I’ll maybe never go back there for must

I know I’ll never hold you like I used to, but our town gets cold when you cut the heating, without you to hold I’m freezing

Can’t rely on my heart when there’s none part I have. Take a part of it every evening, take words out of my hiding place just from a breathing

Replace the night with a fight, battling with my own thoughts trying to find a way out, trying to stop all the flying conversations. comfortable silent is so overrated

Maybe I’ll get drunk again, and he’ll be just like you in a worse version, everyone in the room looks like you, I almost call your name when they ask what can they get me

I’ll be drunk again to feel a little love, I’ll get to sleep and wake up dead. The night won’t last so long if you’re not sober

I wanna drink another cup of coffee to taste the warm of a half empty Coke can

And I’ve got no plans for the weekend

So shall we speak then, I will keep it between friends,

One last word? One last time I promise.

My heart is breathing for this, give me a moment and I will find a word to say before you leave me today.

Light goes down and I hear you calling to me, and right now I wish you were here with me, can’t really fight the feeling when I want you here with me like how I pictured it

I don’t want to keep imagining it

We haven’t spoken since you went away, maybe one day you call me and tell me that you miss me too

I’ll find some words to say

Dear Summer Love

summer

Running late, running around the neighborhood as strangers on the street look me up and down, running to the shortcut by the freeway.

Stumbling into the alley like yesterday

Like the day before

Like every passes days.

Running with a cold coffee in my hand that day, cursing at the barking dog along the way, cursing at the chipping birds and the morning breeze. Stumbling by peddles on the street.

Bumping into you and I thought the time has stopped, Locked eyes as you apologies. Two hearts on an old street and I feel your warmth

I ran away, chicken out like my words

Started from the café table, where you tell me something about your life and ask me to tell you something about mine. I liked you for everything that you are and I fell in love for everything that you are not.

Traveled to outer space, deep in the conversation with you as if you and I is all we got. It felt so right when you sat on the chair across me asking for a late night pizza, I laughed and you smiled hiding away your eyes.

My life gone completely changed in the past two months, Not knowing what exactly is in the air but I’m sure I’m holding my dream

You brought out a new version of me I don’t care to have, I won’t ever forget how much fun it is to catch kisses across the room as you blow them. I used to have late night conversations with the moon, he told me about the sun and I told him about my long days. By now I only tell him about you

I wonder how you get all the jokes when I used to explain my friends for so long it went dead, you read me like I wear all of me on my sleeves.

The summer is nearly over and you hold me close, chasing the long night lost in the dark as the shadow hides the color of our hearts, Blue for the tears, black for the night’s fears.

The star in the sky went visible and we don’t want to talk about it, we don’t talk about it because it means nothing and because it means everything.

“I gotta hit the road”

I don’t know where to start

How do you tell someone to stick around and don’t go?

How do you stop the time just a little bit longer?

Why didn’t we meet earlier?

Unforgettable together the whole world in my hands, Unexplainable the love that only we could understand.
But there’s something that could be negotiated is when the sky is grey and all I remember is you showing me the blue sky,

Think about me sometimes.

I didn’t know what got into me that I made you agree on being mine for the summer, what had got into me when I said “No strings attached”

I know there’s nothing I can do to change it, but I know there’s nothing that I wanna change, I love every second of it

And if we could find some place to hide, we’ll make the last time just like the first time, push a button and rewind

Just promise you’ll remember, and with the taste of your lips just to bring me back to our first kiss. One more taste of your lips just to bring me back to the places we’ve been and the nights we’ve talked.

Because if this is it then at least we could end it right

You’re holding your packed bag, turning back for a goodbye. We had some good times and now it’s the worst, but we have to say goodbye

And till the next summer, I’ll be seeing you

I’ll be meeting you in the same café

I’ll be walking with you down the old street

I’ll be dancing with you through the day

I’ll be catching kisses and winks and random hugs

By a summer and I don’t know how to go back to the dark, with all these lights running through my heart, I’ve met one person and my life changes completely. Forever.

Till the next summer

I’ll be sailing back, sailing back to you watch the falling leaves lead the way to you, the way to our heartbeat

I’ll fly like a free bird through the dark night far away, to be near you to hold you. I’m dying to see you.

We’ll meet again someday

We didn’t promise to write or call but you promised me to remember that we had it all, you are mine for the summer.

You are my summer love and will always be

The “Blah Blah”

trick

*TRIGGER WARNING*

Trick or treat bitch, wake the fuck up if you’re dreaming to fight. Sorry man gotta stand back from the grave you buried me bright

Salute me that’s what he’s gonna have to do to me when he realizes there ain’t shit he could do to me.

Your fucking weird lead try is a tough time talk from a buster. I used to yell in my room-Yelling your words, what the fuck do you know, dumbshit. labeling my future when you can’t even label your job.

Drunk belly got a word,huh? sober and bored, huh?

About midlife but still Talking shit about those cracked stone that are soon turn in to crystal. Man go back to bow at your 15 years old self, the boy who know the art work of not giving a fuck about anything but alcohol and racing bike.

Man up and handle your shit, you sound like a bitch with the lolli creep. Took you centuries to get a bunch of fucked up freak you call friends, just to get wasted and shit about your life.

Fucking dweeb, all you do is sucking food and shit it out, Fix yourself before you fix me.

Let’s talk about the fact that I was laying dead in my bed, by the lake of tear drowning me. Dude I was barely even 14 fighting against mental issues, when you were with plastic gun at that age

Every one of your friends is as suck as your spelling, Now tell me, what to complain when you got nothing. Creating shit tons of voices in my head told me I turned out weird. what a dweeb to call a girl boyish and discriminate her body.

Talk about my future is smoking fog, when you can’t even smoke a cigar without a choke. I acknowledge you’ve always been the GOAT but bro my dog fart louder than your education. Spit out  loud with no shame like a baby, it’s like going back to the nursery school with all the “Blah blah”

Your brain dropped out somewhere along the years? No wonder why those cold words rolled out so well, like your bad breathe

Don’t have a heart attack now, knees weak of old age huh? somebody Help the man up introduce him to me “Oh hey! this is the royal twat, give him a smash in the face”

Bitch-ass motherfucker, We know you get nervous, chicken out.
It’s fine, bro, pick up a pen granny will help you spell “Life”

Everybody always hated me, this isn’t anything new to me

Yeah, there’s a difference between us, I’m your new life with a better face and a better brain. I know you’re not used to me, what can I do…draw a heart?

Sound like a “Pussy” to me, oh shit that was me when I thought you can lie to me

Ay, Sorry man can’t stand a twat

Good morning Satan

Kneel down you sinners to streetwise religion, greed’s been crowned the new king, yesterday trash queen took a ride out tonight. Forward the mail to me in hell

My name is a definition of the devil from the wild side, I’m living in the age of a messed up century and I don’t have a blanket to wrap warm cause I’m the fire. I burn things that I want to be close to- I put up the glory when I think it’s all good

I’m all burned down by my own fire I became the devil

I was born with a special gift, I’m very fucking creative and I don’t think anyone could ever beat me just yet. I created wise loaded shits and I fuck things up very well at the same time

I do oh have a big town of demons in my head.

I live a life of love and fortunate in my dream, a life of a broken heart and an empty trust in reality when I wake up.

I raise pets they are my thoughts, they are healthy and they eat well- they’re getting bigger every day when a piece of me have been cut off. They have grown into restless beasts that I can no longer control but I become their poppet, and they will be the one to grave me down.

I didn’t raise like that, I was born in a box shaped of perfection to feed the need of my beholder. They shaped and drenched me like a piece of clay, because of all the perfection I appear to be- I mentally turned in to a fucking perfect douche.

I do all the things I’m not supposed to- I do all the things I was told not to, all the things I haven’t done and all the things I was warned. I’m the perfection of a scum who got bruised and burned and destroyed during the process of shaping my flawless teen’s life.

I’m trying to fix the damages that I can’t point a finger on, I’m in my head again- my heart has been ripped out another part. I’m the king of this empire, I’ve seen this path and I’ve walked this floor. Good morning to my friends Satan

Don’t you dare walk away, better run for life before I drug you in. I’m a hot mess with the lies, the pain, the fight and the hate that will never get enough satisfied.

I’m not afraid to stab you from behind, and I don’t give a double fuck about the time, Adrenaline hits in and you will be chasing the horizon.

Because I’m a fucking live wire and there won’t be a why to your death.

The say “Our love is like dynamite”

The love that was a guillotine

The partnership of sinners and saints

The view of a blue face from my sharp knife of a love

The shout at the beast that I became the devil myself

The knife in your back been tempted by my love

I’m a wolf screaming lonely in the night, I’m the blood stained on the dagger of a rose. Might be the anger on your lips- and I did warn you. The top fuel funny cars are the fuel for me

I’ve been living in thousands of customs that I was forced into, so I let you know that no man from the outer space can compete and no professor good enough can lies.

5 am the stage of mine shine waiting for my attempt, put on your seatbelt ready for my role of saints

When I first started playing my card all I wanted was a laugh, after years gone by I’d say I’ve kicked some ass. When I’m enraged and hitting the stage adrenaline rushing through my veins that you can never read through

Take a ride with me on the wild side and you’ll see the gang fights, fatal strikes and the tragedy of a stranger’s lies.

I’ve been broke to the core

Been crying on my bathroom floor

Been left dead on my own pillow talk

Been taking oblivious medicine

Been having drag for the next

Has been lied at about death and life and school

Every one of us has been there and it’s not a surprise just grow the fuck up and live for the reason that you’d die for.

Handful of grease in my hair feels right but what I need to get me tight are those lies and the sanity of the professional act. There’s no reason if you can’t feed my need maybe I just need a new toy, a toy that can act like I’m important better. I don’t give another chance- so the only one you got is to never be seen by me again.

I’ll be the nightmare of your past life, with a taste and you won’t ever let go of your hold on me knowing exactly you’ve been caged.

Too many rejections it’s hard to get the reaction, but you’ll be skinning yourself for my attention

Run don’t walk away, Devils don’t play by the rules

The Local Café

hear me.jpg

It might have started right there and then: the bottom up shirt the rolled-up sleeves, the smell of coffee and the end of your frayed espadrilles that is eager to test the hot gravel path that have been lead around the town, those are things that resemble YOU

I’ve been spending way too long checking my face in the mirror and bending over backwards just to see it clearer but my breath fogged up the glass. I took a deep breath asking myself if I’m ok yet, My heart almost beaten off my chest and I guess I’ve been asking way too much of a “How do I look?”

Been feeling way too excited I thought my legs couldn’t go another step

Walked in expecting you’d be late but you got here early, I saw your face and I wanted nothing other than erase myself. I looked up one more time before I decide to turn on my heals and run away but you was standing there and waved, your eyes shined across the room and I went straight to your extended arms.

My trembling lips couldn’t make out a word and “Oh dear” where are those words I’ve learned in school have gone to, all the things I’ve known things I’ve read and things I’ve watched- They are all gone

It’s no use and I felt like a deaf and dumb person who can’t even use a sigh language, I tried to be chill but you’re so hot that I melted, I fell right through the cracks

I just stared and you grinned and looked right back it felt like just one big whirlwind. You hid away your light brown eyes as you returned my smile, perhaps it’s rare or perhaps you’re doing it on purpose and you couldn’t be bother which.

You pulled my chair out and helped me in and you didn’t even hesitate that you’ll lose your dignity. Your head was thrown back laughing like I didn’t just yield my palm for not believing you’re real

Though the breezes through the trees move so pretty but you’re all I see as though the world have been blacked out, as there’s only you in the crowded café, I watched your lips danced when you talked. you held my gaze and keep telling me your eyes was up there

I got self conscious under your gaze, in front of a person who is so throughly ok with himself, the way he was okay with his body, his anti backhands, with his choice of books, music, film, friends. He was ok with criticism too

I think it’s strange that you think I’m funny because I called you “Pretty friend”

I’ve been spending the last two years thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end, but on a Thursday in a café down the neighborhood I felt it in my chest again one more time- watch my eyes glittered with pink filter once again

Love looks older now but just as beautiful as I remember

We ran under the rain and I’m sure it’s a dark rainy day, or perhaps all I see was a bright clear day with a dancing sun that is shinning pink. We were soaked and my make up was running along the rain while your shirt was all see through, we laughed it out like our life depend on it, and no one have a clue as to why.

We tell stories and you proudly informed that you could speak my language when you can’t even get the one word you like right, I watched you blossom like a rose with no wonder of what he’d be doing at the moment

I almost brought him up but you started to talk about the special occasion in your family you’ve missed during the time you’re here.

“What did one do during the day?” right after you asked you immediately got the gist and read me out completely “Don’t tell me you’re waiting for summer to end”

It undid me wisely well like a singing bird who got immediately drowned out by the rattle of the cicadas after a few note.

Across the water across the deep blue ocean and under the open sky I’m sending my words through the stars, the moon to witness and the earth to listen. Do you hear me I’m singing to you sending my every bit of love?

You say “I hear you in my dreams I feel your whisper across the wind, I keep you with me in my heart. Life gets hard but it does get better when you’re around”

What a fortune to have you in my embrace, lucky to have been where I have been

It felt just like coming home again in your arm, I heard your heartbeat- I sensed your smell and your tender breath. They don’t know how long it takes waiting for a long gone miracle like this

You ask “what you’re up to?”

I said “Another long day”

“Would you be here for the rest of my life?”

And I thanked god it was a text

You existed in my life by my silly fast and forward and naive mistake, you existed in my life when I was just nothing but a dirty mess from all the pain and pressured. You came by so fast that I thought I was dreaming because you’re so charming, kind and beautiful and hella cheeky

But the realization is you haven’t left

You were so witty and so charming, you swept me off my feet I laugh I blush no one could explain. Because It seemed too good to be true

We clicked like Legos or the clacking of tap shoes

You said hey
I said “hello, how was your day?”
You said “better now” and I could easily see your smile along the words

The moon to witness and The earth to listen

The Haunting Season

cccccool

Welcome to the haunting season, the world where every one of us get drunk by our own tear. No one will win this time; the combination had lied out between black and white, demon and angel. The world that is spinning around in a ginormous circle of fears

Fears switched on from each person.

We grew up surrounded by fears we watch fears grow

We who grew up with no fear to fears

To see fears being used

To see fears being received

To pass on to another particular person.

We grew up with high expectation that we die so deep each passing time- just because of only 10 percent of it is reality and the rest are just all in our head. Everything that we’ve ever dreamt of will be disappeared when we wake up.

The world that is starve so hard for our imagination, and crave for our attention- we know exactly what is up upon all the pain but we allow them to sleep allow them to eat us alive.

Shed out a drop of tear and you’ll be the pathetic freak, the place where you can’t show your feeling before you’re gone. The world where we let the waters rise and we drifted to survive. They come at us all in one mushing the ten years life of nightmares in together.

There will be a place for you to stand, you’ll be seen just as you wish- in fact you will be in the center of attention. You will be a big city big enough that they will come after you for an occasion weekend getaway

They use you as a tissue to wipe off their need- you will obey their request not suring how much you could do or how far you could hold on to

They draw us near the edge put us up for tasks one after another, knowing how desperate we are to let go, drench our soul like a clay to mold it into what we’re not

We hunger and thirst with our arms stretched wide, asking for mercy. They’ve heard us, they’ve known enough to know how we question our existence. We who actually was created to stocked memories and pains living like a box of souvenir, permanent memories tattooed on our veins

They’ve written down our lives line thoughtlessly, like a sketch book

All we want is just to find a place to stay hidden, it’s not so hard. We’ll make it someday- we’ll be just fine

Drift around if you want to survive, there is no end of this storm

The perfection of imperfection

perfect

I hated an arrogant guy a good looking goof and a dork brain, he walked in the room with a full package of things I hate. His head Faced up the ceiling like everyone in the room owed him their lives- like he could just point a finger and everyone gone vanished

Until I got to know him better

I hated how goofy he is

I hated the way he took every serious conversation as a joke

I hated how he made dirty jokes out of everything

I hated how he always smirks at my awkward self-alarm

I hated how he always crinkles his nose

I hated how he looks into my eyes like I ate his last piece of French fry

I hated how he could just look at me and I know in me that I looked like a burn nugget

I didn’t want to say nothing but still, you take my breath and steal everything I know, you’re stood out in the crowd and all I could see was you and how your eyes smiled happier than your lips could do

With this much desire I have and together with the heartbeat, I could lit up a blaze of fire on the situation; I would freeze the little moment and frame it up on my bedroom wall

I started to believe whatever on play between us

Maybe it’s ’cause I got a little bit older

Maybe it’s all that I’ve gone through

I’d like to think it’s how you lead me in and how you made me expect.

How it always been autumn in February- with the breeze that you want to breathe in the much your lungs can receive. It can be very fresh and exciting at the same time (let’s not talk about how the heart beats).

Something happed for the first time that I never feel the same way and all I know is that, I was falling for the person who I don’t suppose to- so deeply hard and mad, Dose it sounds typical?

For when you walked in the room I already put the commitment on myself to hold on the stop and leave the feeling alone. It became so fucked up every time I try my best to stay in, that I finally let myself fall in the color of life.

Because when you unfold me and look in my eyes for the very first time I lost my perfection, my every direction lead me out of line. My mind was lost in a city of roses, where there won’t abide by any rules, can’t stop thinking about you

Wondering what you’re doing or if you could sleep, maybe it’s a sin to like someone so much

Maybe it’s a crime to wish they could feel the same

Maybe it’s such a sinner to get the tingles in a silly place every time you smile

A part of me I’d never seen was taken and my soul was wiped clean, My mother told me that only a movie screens could lay out that role but maybe I’m too romantic
She said I’m blinded and out of control

The table has turned and

From hate to love

From love to lost

From lost to oblivion

But who to blame when falling in love feels like a whole new world, living in a plastic life with the perfections of imperfections. Thinking out of line like tomorrow won’t come, walking with an ugly bubbly face high in the air. Who to blame if being in love and being loved is like living in the world of roses

Who to blame when things gone right