I burned myself this morning to see if I’m still alive, I tried to push in my split injury and deliberate the ach, somehow pain is the only thing that is real in my life. I deleted and threw away everything that kept me on the floor, I hated myself for allowing the darkness to see through my cracks. The old familiar smell I try to kill it all away, but I remember everything.
What have I become?
How do I get over the time stain?
Everyone I love lining up to walk away one by one, in the end I was left with the empire of dirt. Upon my dying bed, full of broken thoughts that I couldn’t repair. I was a stumble bumming down neon music city sidewalks, who had problems of my own but stuck with luck, life kept me standing just a step away from starving.
There’s a black cloaked woman I saw in the dark outside my window, I heard her calling, I saw her sniffled. I got up to have a better look at her but I couldn’t make out her face, just to get burned by her eyes of gold to embers. She looked deep in my soul and saw all my sins, she read through my head. She spoke to me “It’s a tough life, ain’t it?
I just looked at her and she said “You’re starving”
“You’re so hooked up on your lust that you can’t decide who deserve to lay dead on that cold ground you lie on”
She pointed to my head referring to the starvation of angst I have in my mind “The devil only haunts a hungry soul. If you don’t want to join them, you have to beat them, don’t beat the devil but shake his hand and steal his throne”
She said “cut it clean and let your mind reset, come join the black”
In the world of deaf and blind, every broken soul got executed for what they try to show, their voices scattered along the whirlwind of time, because no one wants to know the truth. But silence is a fucking cancer, they grow bigger and darker in seconds. I turned my collar to the cold and damp, my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light that split the night.
I got off my seat and burned the flicker of hope in my head, the lady in black then appeared to be my own self she laughed “You just killed your angel, don’t worry about hell it’s an empty palace, all the evils are gathering here”
Now the only thing a rambler needs is a suitcase and a gun, the only time I satisfied is when I’m on the run. I filled my chamber up with papers and take my pain to town. I started to find pleasure in bringing another man down, the only pleasure I get out of life.
The crow no longer sings to me. I’m like a moth that flies in a perfect line, on the devil’s path and I will fly straight until I die. My life is short and though I try to fight for it, I still have to live it right. I can’t go back, let my mother carry on as if nothing really matter. I didn’t mean to make her cry but I don’t wanna die.
I am too far from being alive
I’m going to raise some hell before they take me down. I have to fight this life and look it in the eyes. The angel is dead but life goes on, I’m just trying my best to not lose my head. I touch the trigger and they set me free they make me king, they call to me but never touch my heart. All I feel is the murder on my mind, I cursed that raven’s fire. They made me hate, they made me burn so I set their nest on fire.
My devil laughed aloud as she flew away, she always knew I would give in.
“Just the matter of time”